Thoughts on Self Worth

Hello all,

I've had a long night of talking to my best friend, my sister, and my Gma, and I'm beginning to notice a common thread. I feel like one of the greatest obstacles in life is determining your own self worth. Figuring out your purpose and finding joy within your own being. Most of us (myself included) tend to derive validation through the feelings of others. How many of us have let our standing with a friend or boyfriend determine the scope of our own lives? I know that part of your self worth is counting the blessings you have in those you love, but what about your self?

I feel that, to live a fulfilling life, you need to be whole. And that sense of wholeness should find it's root within you. Appreciating those who make your life happy and whole is essential. But before you can do that, you have to appreciate yourself. Appreciate your goals, and stand for your beliefs. Sit through those long nights of tears and questions and work through them alone. Discover that you can do this by yourself, find your own strength. And then allow others to add to your life.

 When you are a whole person, you can give your whole heart to others.

My Aunt Sam told me once that she disagrees with the saying "you complete me." At the time I didn't understand what she meant, but now I really do. Allow yourself to be complete. Allow yourself to resonate joy.

I find that, especially people my age, tend to focus all of their thoughts on other people. Obviously, if you're in a relationship a large majority of your thoughts gravitate towards your partner. Which makes sense. But people put such an emphasis on being single and "taking time for yourself." Yet every single person I know has someone else lingering in their thoughts, whether they are getting over someone or getting to know someone new. We are either focusing on the void left from the ghost of someone, or the potential to fill it with someone new.

What about being whole in yourself?

Jen

Paint the Town Red

Happy Friday Everyone!

And today really is happy! I told you all I would see you on the other side of mid-terms and here I am! 2 drawings, 4 labs, 1 exam, and a 10 page paper later and I'm still in one piece, surprisingly. 4 days and 6 hours of sleep later I am over the mid-term hill! Unfortunately, my spring break is not going to be very relaxing. I still have 4 paintings, 2 days of student teaching, some interviews, some waitressing, dance rehearsals, and maybe even some sleep? I'd love to fit some pancakes in with my best friend too.

This weekend will be well worth the hell of this past week. Last night I picked up the pieces of my broken spirit, put on some red lipstick, and hit the town with some very dear friends.

I was actually really happy with how my hair turned out considering during my jail time in the studio I lost track of the last time I washed it this week.

Red lipstick is a huge part of my "new" image. It makes me feel so adult, artistic, and oddly single.

And happy about it. 

We went to this really hip bar in center city Philly called The Institute.

http://www.institutebar.com/

It was dark, warm, and very philadelphia. 

Everyone rode their bikes there (except me, I'm not that coordinated), there was lots of exposed brick, eclectic music, and a cat. 

Kayla took this lovely picture of the bar's cat, Franklin. 

Tonight should be interesting as well! 

It's Hebas birthday! 

Well it was last week. 

But we're celebrating tonight with some high heels and cock tails! 

Things are really looking up. 

Jen

Art is Not Always Lady Like

Happy Wednesday!

I know I have sounded fairly dismal for the last couple days, and I won't lie to you, I really have been But I'd like to share with you one of the reasons why I'm an artist.

I mentioned yesterday that I had a figure drawing assignment dumped on me in addition to everything else on my plate. So yesterday I buckled down, and got to work. I have to do the same thing today but I feel better. After 12 hours of computer screens, papers, citations, and lab reports I finally made it home. My room mates went out last night because they aren't cursed like me for some reason. So I had the house to myself, well me and Charlie (my room mates dog). So I got a glass of wine, straightened my room up, put on some One Tree Hill (My latest obsession) and got to work. My assignment was to render hands so I decided to use this as an outlet to express my thoughts this week.

This is a self portrait, there are 3 others on the same page but they weren't the classiest content for my blog... I may or may not have drawn myself giving the finger :P 

But it's honest. 

That's how I feel about art school this week. 

The amazing thing is that I was up until 3 in the morning working on this and thoroughly enjoying myself. Sometimes I forget that art is supposed to be fun. 

It made me laugh because to me, my face looks like I just watched my dog get run over. But when I posted this to facebook my friend told me I look happily surprised, like I just got proposed to (YEA RIGHT, ain't gonna happen). But I like his interpretation better :) 

I may or may not post a picture of the finished product if no one throws a fuss over my profanity. Tonight I have to render feet! I apologize in advance if anyone has a foot phobia, I'm a dancer so I'm used to it! 

Best, 

Jen

Purgatory

Happy Tuesday! Kindof.

I apologize for the lapse in artistically inspired posts! But it's mid- terms (duh duh duhhhh)

This pretty well sums up my week. 

But tonight I'm working on some anatomical drawings for my Figure class and a new painting series for my drawing class so I'll be  sure to post pictures!

I can not wait to get past Thursday so I can post fun things about the baby shower Tori threw, and painting over spring break, but until then, I'm pretty much in purgatory. And it all hit me this morning. I had jammed my schedule full to the last minute for the next 2 days. 2/3 paintings, a Ceramics Exam, 4 labs, and a 10 page paper... Already sounds like not a lot of sleep right?

THEN, in my figure drawing class at 8 am this morning my professor mentions not to forget the project due on Thursday.

Me: "What Thursday?"

Prof: "This Thursday."

Me: "... wah?"

Prof: "It'll be fun you can stay up all night and create a master piece!" 

-__-

SO! Now I'm just about hooked up to an IV of coffee and living at Temple University's Tech Center.

This is going to be what my life is like after Thursday.

(This is also a preview of the baby shower!)

I'll see you on the other side folks. 

Jen

Moving On.

Happy Tuesday!

I won't lie to you, I've had happier Tuesdays. Sparing you the gory details, I've recently found myself single for the first time in a very long time. I've been internally writhing for a while so I figured writing my thoughts might help me get some sleep.

Cue the obligatory sympathetic phone calls. 

I've gone through the usual phases in the last 48 hours. First I felt totally numb but couldn't sleep or eat. Then I talked to my friends and family and convinced myself of how awesome my life is going to be on my own. (I'm totally going to move to Paris... and illustrate children's books... and get a new tattoo). Now reality is starting to sink in... and I am VERY able to eat again. And drink lots of wine.

I put the pictures away, boxed up his sweatshirts, and changed my "favorite" contacts list. You know, all of the things that send a little pang through your heart strings and further solidify your place in the world.Without him.

But that's enough pity party for this Tuesday. It's time for some change. Spring is around the corner and things are looking up. And today more than ever I'm thankful for my health, my support system within the beautiful people I keep close, and my freedom to do whatever I choose with my new- found free time.

The only question is, what do I do now?

I feel like it's time to find what makes me happy. Ever since I got back from Rome I've been internally struggling with my idea of happiness. And I think it all stems back to my journey for spirituality. I'm seeking a sense of purpose, a grand design, some reason to continue the daily grind. Something to live for really. Something to look forward to. Something to have faith in.

Now that my focus is back on myself I'd like to start exploring these ideas. I hope you don't mind if I use this blog as an outlet.

Now, where to start?

Jen

Things Are Looking Up!

Happy Thursday!

Do I'd like to tell a story that will hopefully help you believe in good karma, it certainly helped me.

Lately, I've been feeling like I can't catch a break. 

I've been totally swamped with work.

I've been bed-ridden sick for 4 days.

Haven't done laundry in weeks.

you get the idea. 

But, my luck began to change in the last couple of days. So, on Wednesday, I stopped at the bank on campus to take out cash. When I walked in I noticed a $20 bill hanging out of the machine. So I chased out the last person who left and asked if it was his? He said no. Then I went back inside and asked everyone is it was theirs? They all said no, and that I should keep it. So I took it into the bank tellers and tried to turn in the money. They told me thank you but there was no way they could identify whose money it was, and that it was now mine. At that moment, a frantic student ran in asking if anyone had turned in $20! So I handed it over, received a polite thank you, and continued on with my day feeling like a good Samaritan.

The next day, I was walking home late from dance practice to an inevitable long night of homework and coughing. So naturally my head was down in a pretty pathetic sign of defeat. Luckily for me, that meant that I noticed the $20 bill on top of the storm drain in front of my house! ... WHAT.  Ever since that, everything seems to have been going my way! This morning, I slept through my alarm, yet magically woke up just in time to get ready and get to class on time. Then, when I got to class my drawing  professor noticed I still was not feeling well so he told me that my work is "good enough to miss a couple classes" and that I should go home and rest... WHAT!?! 

Hopefully this good luck streak continues through my weekend! 

Have a good karma Thursday! 

-Jen

Emerging Visions Opening

Happy Monday!

So! To continue with my artsy Mondays I wanted to share some exciting news from my own life as an artist. I had my very first, professional gallery opening in the U.S last week! I should probably clarify that I had a small opening while I studied in Rome, but it was only for one night. So I'm counting this one as my first!

This is one of the paintings I'm showing! 

"You Remind Me of Home"

It got that title because now it is a permanent fixture in my mom's living room. I was given specific instructions not to sell it :)

I was so thankful to have my friends and family come out to support me! And I was lucky enough to have Tori along to photograph the whole shindig. 

Gallery openings tend to have crappy food. But lots of free wine! 

That's my momma! Always my biggest fan 

They even had me talk to a group of high 

school students about my work, as if I know anything!

All in all the night was a big success! And I'm very excited to continue showing work in the future! Maybe some day I'll even sell something! But that's another story. 

Have an inspired day! 

Jen

Phlaryngitis?

Hello all!

Happy Sunday night!
... Well I guess at this point it's Monday morning... 3:49 AM to be exact. I think having coffee for dinner may have been my downfall on this one. That, and the fact that my downstairs neighbor has left his back gate open for MONTHS. So every night it bangs open and closed incessantly with the wind. Now, I know I would solve my problems if I just asked my downstairs neighbor to close the gate. But that would involve having a conversation with him, which I refuse to do. I should probably explain, this person is so incredibly strange. Every time he hears someone opening the door to my apartment, he drops whatever he is doing and runs to his door to catch us on our way out. I have not figured out why he does this but I have gathered that he is always disappointed to see me. This person is so anxious to check and see which room mate is coming or going that he never seems to put pants on or turn off his dub step before flailing himself into our already cramped, shared landing. Whenever he answers the door and sees me he has to remind me that I am an immigrant in his creepy, half naked, homeland. At first I received minor insults such as "Oh hey, Jess." (not my name). Now we have devolved to the state that when he opened the door a few weeks ago to find me struggling with my jammed lock he simply muttered "Oh." and slammed the door in my face. Therefore, rather than asking him to close his noisy gate which terrifies me every night even though I logically know it is not an axe murderer, I will simply watch every single episode of How I Met Your Mother all night and sleep with my lights on. I think I won this battle.

On a lighter note, this weekend I was home at my parent's. In my own bed... with no loud gates... cuddling with Zach. So clearly I caught up on my sleep for the week! Other than the fact that Zach currently has a severe case of Phlaryngitis (don't quote my spelling) which means he has a crazy fever and a swollen, sore throat that makes it hard for him to breathe, so he can't sleep through the night. And I'm pretty sure I caught it from him... woo hoo.

 He did make a pretty cute Valentine though :)

While Zach spent the weekend sleeping and drinking milkshakes, Tori and I had an audition! So we needed to take some new head shots.

 I love her new short hair :) 

Pretty professional looking for a couple of best friends with a camera right? 

This was just about the only good picture I took all day.

 We even got a little dancing in! 

(Tori is going to HATE me for posting this but I think she looks awesome)

I'm excited to announce that Tori and I will both be dancing for the York Capitals Arena Football league this spring!

http://yorkcapitals.com/

I mean clearly, who wouldn't want me on their team?

Today (as well as feeling like death) I spent the morning lying around in my pajamas with Zach then hung out with my family all afternoon. We get together every Sunday but today was special because my Uncle Mark was in from California and I only see him about once a year. So that just about leads us up to now. It is now 4:16 AM and sleep seems unlikely for tonight... I still won't talk to my neighbor though. Aint gonna happen. 

I hope everyone has a productive and joyful monday! 

I will with about 5 cups of coffee.

Jen

Collecting Thoughts

Happy Tuesday!

Today, I'm feeling particularly introspective. I have a fairly massive all-nighter ahead of me tonight, and I swear I didn't procrastinate! I don't even really need to stay up all night but I've become the type of person who needs to get everything done right now. You see, I am a recovering procrastinator, and when I came to college I quickly realized that my methods from high school would no longer work. 3 years later and I'm still battling it. Now, because I know I have work to do I won't just let myself plan out my time, I have to freak out and do everything really early.

I think you would probably agree with me when I confess that I'm a little nuts.

I'm sure most people can relate when I admit that I have a hard time staying organized. I have an even greater respect for my mother ever since I moved out. I find that as soon as one thing is finished, I remember everything else. I can't even keep my room clean for 5 minutes. I feel like I've been in college for too long (which probably sounds ridiculous) but I feel that all I want in my life is stability and routine. Rather than the constant running, stressing, and freezing that seems to come with college life Philadelphia. 

My life. 

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the opportunity I have to be in school and to be 21. Things are great, but sometimes all I want is a permanent space, where I don't have to plan on how I'm going to get my dresser back down the stairs in the 3 months. I want a place of peace and comfort. But I guess, isn't that what everyone wants? Do we ever really achieve it? 

What do you think? 

Jen

Just the Beginning

Happy Monday!

I can't seem to keep myself organized for 5 seconds so far this semester! This new year's goal is going to be harder than I thought. I think things will calm down though once my gallery show opens this Thursday at YorkArts in York, PA!

One of my paintings is right in the display window! It's a proud feeling :) 

Speaking of Painting! 

Here's my little tutorial of the week: 

I wanted to continue this week with another surface tutorial. Last week I explained the idea of primed plywood, this week I'd like to show you one of the laziest shortcuts you can make as an artist while still avoiding pre- primed canvases. Stretchers bars! 

All they are are pre- measured/cut pieces of wood cut into perfect interlocking 45 degree angles

They are relatively inexpensive, come in most standard sizes, and can be purchased at Dick Blick, A.C. Moore, or really any art supply store. Except Michael's I learned this weekend! 

These really are quite idiot proof to assemble, it goes a little something like this:

1. Select your canvas size (remember to get 2 of each size to make a complete shape)

2. Apply a small amount of wood glue to the joint

3. Wiggle the bars together, they should fit perfectly! 

Now you have a quick and easy frame on which to stretch really any material you like! Examples: canvas, linen, silk, anything! Just make sure to prime the surface in order to avoid absorption and warping. 

Now, here's the truth about stretcher bars:

They are very useful for a quick stretcher. But they are not always the best solution. I really would not recommend using these for paintings bigger than 24 inches because they are not as sturdy as a hand-built frame and could crack under pressure. These work well for smaller paintings. One annoying thing about them is that they only come in certain sizes. So this makes super precise sizes difficult. Stretcher bars can also become pricey, they are by far more expensive than lumber. But really, you are paying for convenience with these. There are some varieties that come with connecting joints in the middle of the bar, do NOT get these. I have seen them prove to be disastrous on multiple occasions. Basically, if you would like to make a small piece and do not wish to spend the extensive amount of time to make a stretcher from scratch (I don't blame you) these are a great solution! 

In other, not-art-related news, the Superbowl happened! Anyone who knows my boyfriend and me, knows we are not sports fans. It's just not something I ever got into, I'm a dancer so I'm much more interested in Dance Moms :) and Zach is much more interested in being athletic than watching athletes. He loves to mountain bike and run. But, because it was the ravens, we tuned in! 

My Aunt Sam had a party so we joined the festivities :)

We had a ball but I had to get back to Philly this morning, I had class! So Zach dropped me off at the train station, it was rather stressful to be honest. Thankfully my last class for today was cancelled for some reason! So I got a second to get it together before dance practice tonight! 

I hope this inspired you to give painting a try! 

Jen

Painting 101

Happy Monday!

So, to continue with my artsy Mondays I'd like to start posting about something I love very much: Painting! I love it so much I'm majoring in it at Temple University. One of the reasons I created this blog is because of an interest shown by the people around me. I find that lots of people are interested in painting but find it too daunting or inaccessible to try themselves. So they settle for mass produced, cliche, "wall art" at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I'm not saying you need to be the next Rembrandt, But I'm hoping to share some knowledge that will help break down the idea of painting and make it more approachable!

The first place where I find some confusion is the surface. Most people assume that the first step is a stretched canvas. But honestly, they can be very  complicated. There are so many varieties and sizes in the pre made variety, and they are exorbitedly expensive. But building a stretcher from lumber can also be a daunting task. So here's one method I've used for a cheap, accessible, and easy surface for any painting.

Plywood!

I bought a full sheet of plywood for about $10 at the home depot and asked a sales associate to cut it down for me with the panel saw. It's free! And they'll cut it to any size you like! So from that sheet of plywood I got about 20 small surfaces, that's about .50 a painting! 

 

Plywood is also much easier to transport than a stretched canvas! Just make sure to prime it.  I use a product called Gesso. You can get it at any art supply store and can use it to prime any surface. When using gesso, apply 3 layers (letting them dry in between) and sand when finished for a smooth surface. Also! be sure to apply 1 layer to the back side of the plywood to avoid warping. 

 

And now you're ready to paint whatever your heart desires on your blank canvas! 

-Jen

Getting It Together

Happy Saturday!

I don't think I'm normally planning on posting on Saturday, but this week has been pretty nuts so I might as well! Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just can't get on top of things? No matter how much you accomplish there's still something around the corner? That's me. Plus I had the flu all week. blegh. I finally caught a break this afternoon so I wanted to get a jump on some cleaning, homework, photos, and of course blogging. Tonight is going to be one for the books because all of us are going to Public House restaurant in center city Philadelphia for two of my room mates 21st birthdays! This is the kind of stuff I imagined myself doing when I moved to the city.

Pretty much Sex and the City :) 

But there will be many pictures later for that! 

Today I've been going through my photo catalogs and uploading and printing things that have been on the bottom of my priorities list (instead of homework, of course) and here are some gems I found: 

I'm a catch.

 So is Zach :)

Soldiers, friends, brothers

Hopefully everyone can have a productive weekend! I'm really excited because tomorrow is my first day back working at the Philadelphia Museum of Art! Hopefully I manage to get all my homework done... 

Jen

Phila-Frozen Tundra.

Happy Tuesday! 

Hopefully you chipped yourself out of your igloo today in this freezing cold. Actually, NO I really hope you didn't have to leave the house today like I did.

 

No amount of knit wear could have prepared me for the first day of school. 

On a better note! I'm getting really excited about my classes this semester and the work we will all be producing! 

Try your best to stay warm! Unless you live somewhere other than PA where the earth isn't hating you today... In which case, I'm sorry, but I hate you... a little. 

Just Kidding! 

Jen

Let's Make This Place Homey!

Happy Monday! (Kindof, Sorry this is late!)

Sorry for my posts being fairly few and far between lately. The last week has been crazy! I worked what felt like a million hours including training our newest waitress (a.k.a MY younger sister!) and on top of that I had to prepare for my first ever gallery show in the states (more news on that later!) as well as pack and move to Philadelphia! Can you tell I'm a recovering procrastinator?

In stead of accomplishing things I was busy running around with this lady! (My best friend, Tori)

Coincidentally, she inspired my craft/ art tutorial this week! 

Although I have not had as much time lately to blog as much as I wanted, I want to uphold my promise to post an art/craft related segment every Monday (ish). SO! This week's crafty idea comes from my BFF. This girl is the MOST organized person I know and her room looks like a pier one imports. Unfortunately, we were not all granted the gift of having it together, so I tend to follow in her foot steps in an effort to figure it out. She is now helping me uphold 2 of my new year's goals: to keep a blog and to get organized! 

Tori gave me the idea for these beautiful shelves! Which were SUPER cheap and are now acting as my DIY vanity :) 

I was really searching for inspiration for my new place in Philly. When you're in college you are constantly moving every few months so it is hard to ever really get comfortable. But I want to use this new semester to open up my creativity, organization, and patience to feel at home. These shelves are perfect because I feel like the "dorm" way of life always leaves girls doing their make up on the floor or taking up the already crowded bathroom. 

I purchased these shelves and wall mounts at the home depot for about $25 total! 

Luckily I had my handy dandy men to help put this together :)

Clearly, I was extremely helpful.

SUPPLIES:

• Stud finder
• tape measurer
• drill
• level 
• all screws and attachment came with wall mounts

I mean really, it was simple, they just had to measure and drill them into the wall. But they were so quick, easy, and effective! 

Tada! 

...if only unpacking were so easy

Zach was thrilled to help though!

I hope everyone has a happy and productive Tuesday! And I'll get myself into my new schedule in Philly so I can hopefully post everyday! 

-Jen

Midtown Scholar Book Store

Happy Monday!

I like to commit my Monday's to artistic tutorials and ideas. So this one channels my nerdy obsession with art history books! My dear friend Amanda has been talking about taking a trip to Harrisburg to peruse some amazing books and drink some coffee. Sounds like a lovely afternoon to me! Today we both finally had a free afternoon to make it!

Amanda! 

This magical coffee shop/gallery/ creative book shop is called the Midtown Scholar Bookstore (http://www.midtownscholar.com/) and it is definitely worth a few afternoons! Now that this place has entered my life I plan on going back as often as I can! 

I love local art! 

And I even found this! 

 

The reason Amanda wanted to bring me here was because they have a marvelous art history section that spanned shelves and shelves and will probably take me years to pick through, but I don't mind. I got myself a large cup of jasmine green tea, in an adorable ceramic mug made by a local artist, and filled my arms with books on Turner, Kahlo, Klimt, and Cy Twombly. Amanda met me back at our table with her handful and we spent hours comparing methods, paintings, and lives. 

I love figure drawing! I found this in a book on Gustav Klimt

I even found this incredible family photo album from 1901! 

Basically, this place contains many of my favorite things: Tea, coffee, books, art, and even a few dogs :) 

Can't wait to make another trip back! 

I hope everyone has a happy Monday! 

Jen