Thoughts on Self Worth

Hello all,

I've had a long night of talking to my best friend, my sister, and my Gma, and I'm beginning to notice a common thread. I feel like one of the greatest obstacles in life is determining your own self worth. Figuring out your purpose and finding joy within your own being. Most of us (myself included) tend to derive validation through the feelings of others. How many of us have let our standing with a friend or boyfriend determine the scope of our own lives? I know that part of your self worth is counting the blessings you have in those you love, but what about your self?

I feel that, to live a fulfilling life, you need to be whole. And that sense of wholeness should find it's root within you. Appreciating those who make your life happy and whole is essential. But before you can do that, you have to appreciate yourself. Appreciate your goals, and stand for your beliefs. Sit through those long nights of tears and questions and work through them alone. Discover that you can do this by yourself, find your own strength. And then allow others to add to your life.

 When you are a whole person, you can give your whole heart to others.

My Aunt Sam told me once that she disagrees with the saying "you complete me." At the time I didn't understand what she meant, but now I really do. Allow yourself to be complete. Allow yourself to resonate joy.

I find that, especially people my age, tend to focus all of their thoughts on other people. Obviously, if you're in a relationship a large majority of your thoughts gravitate towards your partner. Which makes sense. But people put such an emphasis on being single and "taking time for yourself." Yet every single person I know has someone else lingering in their thoughts, whether they are getting over someone or getting to know someone new. We are either focusing on the void left from the ghost of someone, or the potential to fill it with someone new.

What about being whole in yourself?

Jen

Paint the Town Red

Happy Friday Everyone!

And today really is happy! I told you all I would see you on the other side of mid-terms and here I am! 2 drawings, 4 labs, 1 exam, and a 10 page paper later and I'm still in one piece, surprisingly. 4 days and 6 hours of sleep later I am over the mid-term hill! Unfortunately, my spring break is not going to be very relaxing. I still have 4 paintings, 2 days of student teaching, some interviews, some waitressing, dance rehearsals, and maybe even some sleep? I'd love to fit some pancakes in with my best friend too.

This weekend will be well worth the hell of this past week. Last night I picked up the pieces of my broken spirit, put on some red lipstick, and hit the town with some very dear friends.

I was actually really happy with how my hair turned out considering during my jail time in the studio I lost track of the last time I washed it this week.

Red lipstick is a huge part of my "new" image. It makes me feel so adult, artistic, and oddly single.

And happy about it. 

We went to this really hip bar in center city Philly called The Institute.

http://www.institutebar.com/

It was dark, warm, and very philadelphia. 

Everyone rode their bikes there (except me, I'm not that coordinated), there was lots of exposed brick, eclectic music, and a cat. 

Kayla took this lovely picture of the bar's cat, Franklin. 

Tonight should be interesting as well! 

It's Hebas birthday! 

Well it was last week. 

But we're celebrating tonight with some high heels and cock tails! 

Things are really looking up. 

Jen

Art is Not Always Lady Like

Happy Wednesday!

I know I have sounded fairly dismal for the last couple days, and I won't lie to you, I really have been But I'd like to share with you one of the reasons why I'm an artist.

I mentioned yesterday that I had a figure drawing assignment dumped on me in addition to everything else on my plate. So yesterday I buckled down, and got to work. I have to do the same thing today but I feel better. After 12 hours of computer screens, papers, citations, and lab reports I finally made it home. My room mates went out last night because they aren't cursed like me for some reason. So I had the house to myself, well me and Charlie (my room mates dog). So I got a glass of wine, straightened my room up, put on some One Tree Hill (My latest obsession) and got to work. My assignment was to render hands so I decided to use this as an outlet to express my thoughts this week.

This is a self portrait, there are 3 others on the same page but they weren't the classiest content for my blog... I may or may not have drawn myself giving the finger :P 

But it's honest. 

That's how I feel about art school this week. 

The amazing thing is that I was up until 3 in the morning working on this and thoroughly enjoying myself. Sometimes I forget that art is supposed to be fun. 

It made me laugh because to me, my face looks like I just watched my dog get run over. But when I posted this to facebook my friend told me I look happily surprised, like I just got proposed to (YEA RIGHT, ain't gonna happen). But I like his interpretation better :) 

I may or may not post a picture of the finished product if no one throws a fuss over my profanity. Tonight I have to render feet! I apologize in advance if anyone has a foot phobia, I'm a dancer so I'm used to it! 

Best, 

Jen

Purgatory

Happy Tuesday! Kindof.

I apologize for the lapse in artistically inspired posts! But it's mid- terms (duh duh duhhhh)

This pretty well sums up my week. 

But tonight I'm working on some anatomical drawings for my Figure class and a new painting series for my drawing class so I'll be  sure to post pictures!

I can not wait to get past Thursday so I can post fun things about the baby shower Tori threw, and painting over spring break, but until then, I'm pretty much in purgatory. And it all hit me this morning. I had jammed my schedule full to the last minute for the next 2 days. 2/3 paintings, a Ceramics Exam, 4 labs, and a 10 page paper... Already sounds like not a lot of sleep right?

THEN, in my figure drawing class at 8 am this morning my professor mentions not to forget the project due on Thursday.

Me: "What Thursday?"

Prof: "This Thursday."

Me: "... wah?"

Prof: "It'll be fun you can stay up all night and create a master piece!" 

-__-

SO! Now I'm just about hooked up to an IV of coffee and living at Temple University's Tech Center.

This is going to be what my life is like after Thursday.

(This is also a preview of the baby shower!)

I'll see you on the other side folks. 

Jen

Moving On.

Happy Tuesday!

I won't lie to you, I've had happier Tuesdays. Sparing you the gory details, I've recently found myself single for the first time in a very long time. I've been internally writhing for a while so I figured writing my thoughts might help me get some sleep.

Cue the obligatory sympathetic phone calls. 

I've gone through the usual phases in the last 48 hours. First I felt totally numb but couldn't sleep or eat. Then I talked to my friends and family and convinced myself of how awesome my life is going to be on my own. (I'm totally going to move to Paris... and illustrate children's books... and get a new tattoo). Now reality is starting to sink in... and I am VERY able to eat again. And drink lots of wine.

I put the pictures away, boxed up his sweatshirts, and changed my "favorite" contacts list. You know, all of the things that send a little pang through your heart strings and further solidify your place in the world.Without him.

But that's enough pity party for this Tuesday. It's time for some change. Spring is around the corner and things are looking up. And today more than ever I'm thankful for my health, my support system within the beautiful people I keep close, and my freedom to do whatever I choose with my new- found free time.

The only question is, what do I do now?

I feel like it's time to find what makes me happy. Ever since I got back from Rome I've been internally struggling with my idea of happiness. And I think it all stems back to my journey for spirituality. I'm seeking a sense of purpose, a grand design, some reason to continue the daily grind. Something to live for really. Something to look forward to. Something to have faith in.

Now that my focus is back on myself I'd like to start exploring these ideas. I hope you don't mind if I use this blog as an outlet.

Now, where to start?

Jen

Things Are Looking Up!

Happy Thursday!

Do I'd like to tell a story that will hopefully help you believe in good karma, it certainly helped me.

Lately, I've been feeling like I can't catch a break. 

I've been totally swamped with work.

I've been bed-ridden sick for 4 days.

Haven't done laundry in weeks.

you get the idea. 

But, my luck began to change in the last couple of days. So, on Wednesday, I stopped at the bank on campus to take out cash. When I walked in I noticed a $20 bill hanging out of the machine. So I chased out the last person who left and asked if it was his? He said no. Then I went back inside and asked everyone is it was theirs? They all said no, and that I should keep it. So I took it into the bank tellers and tried to turn in the money. They told me thank you but there was no way they could identify whose money it was, and that it was now mine. At that moment, a frantic student ran in asking if anyone had turned in $20! So I handed it over, received a polite thank you, and continued on with my day feeling like a good Samaritan.

The next day, I was walking home late from dance practice to an inevitable long night of homework and coughing. So naturally my head was down in a pretty pathetic sign of defeat. Luckily for me, that meant that I noticed the $20 bill on top of the storm drain in front of my house! ... WHAT.  Ever since that, everything seems to have been going my way! This morning, I slept through my alarm, yet magically woke up just in time to get ready and get to class on time. Then, when I got to class my drawing  professor noticed I still was not feeling well so he told me that my work is "good enough to miss a couple classes" and that I should go home and rest... WHAT!?! 

Hopefully this good luck streak continues through my weekend! 

Have a good karma Thursday! 

-Jen

Emerging Visions Opening

Happy Monday!

So! To continue with my artsy Mondays I wanted to share some exciting news from my own life as an artist. I had my very first, professional gallery opening in the U.S last week! I should probably clarify that I had a small opening while I studied in Rome, but it was only for one night. So I'm counting this one as my first!

This is one of the paintings I'm showing! 

"You Remind Me of Home"

It got that title because now it is a permanent fixture in my mom's living room. I was given specific instructions not to sell it :)

I was so thankful to have my friends and family come out to support me! And I was lucky enough to have Tori along to photograph the whole shindig. 

Gallery openings tend to have crappy food. But lots of free wine! 

That's my momma! Always my biggest fan 

They even had me talk to a group of high 

school students about my work, as if I know anything!

All in all the night was a big success! And I'm very excited to continue showing work in the future! Maybe some day I'll even sell something! But that's another story. 

Have an inspired day! 

Jen